


"I can’t believe Vette is gone"

by Bella Roido (Symolyn)



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 05:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17016678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symolyn/pseuds/Bella%20Roido
Summary: Vaylin is defeated on Odessen. But the cost of the battle has been high.Alliance Commander and Twi'lek smuggler Bellar'Oido has to deal with the death of her oldest friend while continuing to lead the Alliance.





	"I can’t believe Vette is gone"

**Author's Note:**

> I've never posted on A03 but I've read a lot of good stories. Some of this writing may slightly deviate from the in-game dialogue.
> 
> Writing and posting this is part of a journey to break my writer's block. Sorry if it's a little sad. Nice and constructive feedback is always welcome. :)

“I can’t believe Vette is gone.”

Theron’s voice was heavy with a sigh and he leaned both hands against the console, as if to support the weight of the world. It was a gesture which he often adopted when everything was becoming almost too much for him to bear. It was usually the time Bella would take him to the side and have a chat, because it was in these moments that she was able to really pierce the outer shell of the agent Shan and see the boy he was still inside. Today, she could not act on it as she usually would. The weight on her own shoulders was too heavy to focus on anybody else but herself.

It was her fault Vette had gone to destroy the artillery guns. She could have sent anyone else, but she had chosen to sent the blue Twi’lek. The decision had been clear in her mind without a moment’s hesitation. Vette was the one she trusted the most, the best able to get the job done with her expertise in sabotage. It was the Commander side of her that had made the decision, the cold, strategic-thinking side of her mind which she had learned to adopt in her role as leader of the Alliance.

She could not have predicted the enemy would overrun their positions so quickly. Torian and Vette had both been in the hot zone. But Bella could have protected Vette by sending someone else. Torian could have destroyed the guns. Maybe he would have done it faster. Maybe she could have saved them both.

“Vette sacrificed her life fighting for the Alliance and protecting those who are a part of it,” she heard herself say. “She could have done us no greater service and will be remembered with the greatest honor, as will all who have sacrificed their lives for us today.”

Her voice sounded strange, far-off, as if it belonged to someone else. But it was steady and strong, as the voice of the Commander should be. The Commander she had tried to be for so long. Inside her heart was breaking. Vette’s face on the holo, laced with disappointment at her oldest friend’s decision to go to Torian first, floated in her mind’s eye. The guilt was so overwhelming it was physically hurting her chest. But she would not show it to the allies around her. It was her job to keep up morale in this place. And morale was a fragile thing. Any slip on her side could cause the entire structure of the Alliance to collapse, as Lana had pointed out to her on various occasions.

“Hear hear!” Torian cried out at her speech, and the few Mandalorian warriors he had brought to the impromptu war meeting joined in his cheers. Senya nodded and clapped her hands once. But Lana and Theron did not move, worry lacing both their faces. They knew their Commander well enough to know that she was feeling a lot more than she allowed her face and voice to convey.

“Commander…” Lana started carefully, and when not interrupted by anyone, continued more forcefully: “I believe it would be in the benefit of morale to address the Alliance. I have called everyone together in the hangar.”

In typical Lana style, she had not waited for approval of the Commander, but had set the plan in motion and merely informed the red Twi’lek of it. The illusion of choice, Bella huffed in her mind, but it was the only thought she could bring herself to pay attention to, as all others numbed in the great absence of her oldest friend.

  
“You could have given her some time,” Theron snapped at the Sith, his typical irritated manner when protecting the person he loved. When it came to Lana, he did not go to the trouble of hiding his feelings. It would not be the first time those two were at each other’s throat over how best to safeguard the feelings of their Commander.

“It’s fine, Theron, I never prepare,” Bella replied in that same strong, distant voice, avoiding looking at this eyes. Preparation time would only make her think too much, and she was not sure if she would still be able to address the crowd after a time of silence. To keep going was the only way forward.

“Help me up,” she said, her limbs stiff and painful after the fight with the Empress of Zakuul. Theron was at her side before she could even begin to stand up from the crate she was sitting on. His arm supporting her waist, softly, comfortably. His hand knew every curve and shape of her body and fit perfectly in the hollow above her hip bone. He was injured himself, a nasty Skytrooper shot to his left upper arm. But he did not even hiss or grunt when Bella supported her weight on him, although she knew the pressure was hurting him physically.

“Thanks,” she said, her voice slightly softer now, in danger of breaking the barrier she had temporarily put around it.

Her purple eyes caught his greens. There were red veins running through it, the result of lack of sleep, physical and mental exhaustion and worry for his Commander. It was enough to break her heart, though she would never admit it to him. His well-being was as important to her as he had admitted she was to him. But she was not in the habit of acting mushy. Not even at a time like this. She quickly coughed her voice back into submission and looked away from the handsome agent’s face.

“Thank you,” she repeated, more curtly and politely, creating emotional distance between them with a few simple words. He understood her intentions immediately, sharp as he was at reading people, and stepped away from her. It was not in his way to push her emotions in front of everyone else. He reserved the prying and pushing for more private times.

Bella dragged her tired feet forward as she followed Lana to the big hangar, where many of their allies had now gathered to hear her speak. Behind them lay broken shuttles, discarded weapons, and a part of the cave wall had come down in rubble. The marks of Vaylin’s electricity was visible on the floor, but people already stood in the ash layer with their dirty boots and did not even look at it. Their eyes were fixed on her, their Commander, gouging her reaction and feeding off her energy. She sighed, but not visibly, and passed Lana to stand on the edge of the flight deck. Aygo stood to her left, waiting, and gave her a strong nod.

Lana whispered her generous permission to “Keep it as short as you like” as Bella passed the Sith. It was Lana’s way of showing emotional support as friend. So Bella decided to take it for what it was. She took a short moment to look at who had gathered before her. She knew them all, this interesting mix of former Empire, Republic, Mandalorian, smugglers and freedom fighters. For a brief second she feared emotion would overcome her after all, looking at these people that she loved as friends, and counting the missing faces among them. But as always, no matter how burdened her mind, the words flowed naturally, her natural ability of having a good chat not abandoning her in this moment of dire inspiration. She would simply begin by speaking what she was thinking.

“I know all your faces and your names,” she voiced her thoughts. “I know where you come from and why you joined the Alliance. No matter whether we agree or sometimes fight among ourselves, this is what connects us. Today, we have lost some of those that we connect to in this Alliance. They have sacrificed themselves for our cause, to save Odessen, but mostly to save their allies and friends. I could not be more grateful to their passion and determination. We have fought long and we have fought hard. Odessen has not only become our base of operations, but also our home. Now, the battle to defeat the Empress of Zakuul is over, and although we have some fights left to go, we must celebrate this moment. That is the only way we can honor those who have died to give us this victory. Thank you all, and stay strong.”

Her voice had not failed her, but it had grown more and more distant from herself as she spoke. The ending was slightly rushed, as she felt the emotions breaking down the walls that kept her from breaking down in tears. Cheers erupted from the crowd, the Mandalorians starting in their usual loud fashion, and the others following soon. Bellar’Oido turned away quickly from the crowd.

“Well done, Commander,” Lana whispered her approval, not in a tone of praise, but matter-of-factly. Another checkmark in the right box, another hurdle overcome. That is how she would see it. Just another cross off the to-do list. But Bella appreciated the Sith’s way of thinking right now. It was structure and overview that she needed to keep herself together right now.

“Thank you, Lana,” Bella replied in the business-like tone she had always adopted when dealing with high-end members of society who needed her for a dirty job, back in the days when she was still at liberty to perform such back-end jobs on low-life planets. “Please make sure everybody rests, including and especially the war council members. That means you too.”

“Of course, Commander,” Lana replied, ignoring what the Commander was actually saying. “I will need you to discuss our next steps for Zakuul soon.” She caught Bella’s eyes, before quickly adding: “But please take some time to rest first.”

Bella sighed, did not look or talk to anyone else and went straight to her own private quarters.

\---

As the door shut behind her with a hiss, she threw off her bloodied jacket. The steel collar, meant to protect her from blaster fire to the neck, clanged against the ground as she dropped it. Fatigue and grief weighing on her heavily, she stumbled towards the bed but did not even reach it before falling to her knees.

The cold of the steel floor that kept the damp cave room from turning into a mud bath stung through her leather leggings into her flesh. She hardly felt it, because the cold, wrenching feeling around her heart numbed all other sensations. She gasped and rested her elbows on the floor as she toppled forward, trying to find comfort in the stability of the floor. Trying to find comfort in anything really, but there was no comfort to be found.

Vette had been the one thing tying all this craziness to her past and with that her sense of self. She was the only person who had known Bella before any of the force-induced nightmares started, the possession of Valkorion in her mind, the long five years in carbonite. Before she was the responsible Commander, the Outlander who killed the Eternal Empire, the figure whose every move was put under public scrutiny.

Vette simply remembered her as the kind friend and soulmate, who had tried to protect her younger fellow Twi’lek in the rough slave life on Ryloth. The young blue Twi’lek and her rare, red older friend. Life had been rough back then, but it had been a whole lot simpler than it was right now.

For so long Bella had thought Vette to be dead, had built her life around that knowledge and lived without purpose, smuggling contraband and flirting with every handsome man she could lay her eyes on, but never really opening up. It was the return of Vette, alive, joyful and energetic, that had made Bella feel like herself for the first time ever. It was what had truly gave her the courage to open her heart to Theron and entrust him with all the nastiness of her past. And now that person was roughly and suddenly taken from her again, but this time the loss was so much greater, felt so much more.

She did not even hear the door swish open behind her, the familiar sound of boots against the steel floorboards. She drew back when feeling the unexpected hand on her shoulder, but realizing whom it was, quickly leaned back against it, her uncontrollable sobs shaking the hand up and down. Theron hushed her calmly, his steady voice murmuring things she could not hear, his strong arms pulling her against his chest in an embrace, as he knelt beside her. She buried her face in the rough fabric of the red jacket he wore to guard against the chill in the caves of Odessen. It smelt like sweat, blood and that tinge of unidentifiable odors that was simply Theron.

“She was...” Bella began, her voice straining against the closing of her throat, her deep sobs cutting it off before she could form the thoughts on her tongue.

“I know,” Theron replied, hugging her tighter.

“I wish this was all over,” she managed in between her breathless sobs. It was childish, she reprimanded herself, because there was no way Theron could make it all be over. It was the kind of feeling Valkorion despised. Feeling the tug of the old emperor on her mind strings, she braced herself for a vision. But she knew the old man well enough now to know he would give her this moment of weakness. He would allow her to break down, only to strengthen his hold on her mind. To use it against her later.

She should not give herself this moment, because soon she would have to be one-half immortal emperor again. That pressure on itself was enough to drive her to madness, let alone everything that came on top of it.

“It’s almost there,” Theron said quietly, kissing the top of her head, the sensitive spot where her left lek morphed into her head. She shivered slightly at the physical touch and knew Theron did not always consider the Twi’lek’s sensitivity of the lekku, especially at a time of deep emotional ache. Still, it calmed her at the same time, knowing that she would allow the touch, and his touch anywhere else on her body, because she trusted him completely.

Covered by Theron’s warm embrace, the sobs slowly began to decrease, and Bella took deep breaths to get the oxygen to her lungs again. She was beginning to feel the cold of the floor against her legs, and wondered if Theron wasn’t already freezing, but he did not say anything. And she knew he would sit here on the floor with her as long as she needed him to. But she could not give herself any more time. She had already let herself show too much. There were matters to attend to. There was still the issue with the undead emperor in her mind, and an unclaimed throne with an Eternal Fleet attached to it.

“I’m ready,” she therefore said, although the words were only half-true. Theron replied with his typical sigh, which meant he had spotted the blatant lie. But he would not fight her on it. He touched the base of one lek with a soft hand, and planted a kiss against the temple closest to him. Then he let go of the embrace, allowing the cold air in the cave to wrap itself around the red Twi’lek. She shivered and quickly stood up, ready to take action on her word.

First, a shower and some clean clothes. Then, a clean mind without that rotting emperor inside it.


End file.
